Why Disconnection Is Making Us Sick—And How to Rebuild Community?
Feb
In today’s fast-paced world, we are more “connected” than ever yet so many of us feel isolated, lonely, and emotionally drained. Social media, work-from-home culture, and the increasing emphasis on self-sufficiency have created a society where true connection is slipping away.
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bruce Perry warns:
“When people start to lose a sense of meaning and get disconnected, that’s where disease comes from, that’s where breakdown in our health—mental, physical, social health—occurs.”
We often think of health in terms of diet, exercise, or genetics. But what if one of the biggest threats to our well-being isn’t something we eat or inherit—but rather, the lack of deep human connection?
Disconnection isn’t just an emotional struggle—it has real, measurable effects on our health. Studies show that loneliness and social isolation can:
✅ Increase the risk of heart disease and stroke
✅ Weaken the immune system
✅ Lead to higher levels of stress and inflammation
✅ Contribute to anxiety, depression, and cognitive decline
✅ Shorten lifespan (some studies compare chronic loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day!)
We aren’t designed to live in isolation. As humans, we thrive in communities, in relationships, in shared experiences. When we are deprived of that, our health suffers.
Psychologists agree that beyond food and shelter, we have core psychological needs that are essential for a fulfilling life:
1. Belonging and Connection
We need to feel part of something bigger than ourselves, to be loved and accepted as we are.
2. Autonomy
While connection is vital, so is the feeling of being in control of our own lives.
3. Mastery and Competence
We feel good when we’re capable and effective in what we do.
4. Genuine Self-Esteem
True self-worth isn’t about validation from others, it’s about feeling valuable just as we are.
5. Trust and Safety
We need to feel that we have the resources and support to navigate life’s challenges.
6. Purpose and Meaning
Being part of something larger than ourselves—whether spiritual, communal, or humanitarian—gives life deeper meaning.
When these needs are met, we thrive. When they are lacking, we suffer.
Our culture glorifies independence and personal achievement. We are taught that success means “making it on your own,” that needing others is a weakness, and that fulfillment comes from individual accomplishments.
But the reality? No one thrives in isolation.
- A child cannot grow without caregivers.
- A company cannot succeed without a team.
- A community cannot flourish without connection.
Even the strongest among us need support. When we prioritize personal success over meaningful relationships, we may achieve more—but we often feel empty inside.
Think about the happiest moments of your life. Were they spent alone, grinding toward a goal? Or were they shared with others—laughing, feeling seen, feeling truly connected?
How to Rebuild Community & Deepen Connection
Rebuilding community and deepening connections is possible by taking intentional steps to reverse the effects of disconnection. Prioritizing deep relationships over numerous surface-level acquaintances ensures meaningful connections, emphasizing quality over quantity. Being fully present in interactions putting away distractions, making eye contact, and listening attentively strengthens relationships and fosters genuine understanding. Actively creating and participating in a community, whether by joining a club, taking a class, reconnecting with neighbors, or hosting gatherings, helps establish shared experiences that build lasting bonds. Giving and receiving support is equally essential; offering help nurtures relationships, but allowing others to support you creates balance and trust. Engaging in rituals of connection, such as regular phone calls, family dinners, or monthly meet-ups, reinforces the continuity of relationships and maintains closeness over time. Lastly, prioritizing face-to-face interaction over digital communication is crucial, as in-person connections hold a unique depth that technology cannot replace. By embracing these practices, individuals can cultivate a stronger sense of community and belonging.
We Heal in Connection
If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: We are wired for connection. The path to health, happiness, and meaning isn’t found in isolation it’s found in relationships. It’s found in community. So let’s stop accepting disconnection as the norm. Let’s reach out, rebuild, and reclaim the human need to belong. Because we are stronger together.
What’s one small step you can take today to deepen your connections?
–
Cansu, Craft Counselor
