The Power of Language in Processing Emotions: A Personal Reflection

A few weeks ago, I went through a deeply upsetting event. Naturally, I turned to my friends for support, telling my story in English—my second language. As I spoke, I noticed that my words felt controlled, my emotions contained. I explained what happened in a structured, almost logical manner, and surprisingly, it felt as though I was already moving past it.

But then, I had the same conversation with a Turkish friend, my mother tongue flowing effortlessly and everything shifted. My emotions overwhelmed me, and before I even realized it, I was crying. I hadn’t expected such a stark contrast. How could the same story, told by the same person, elicit such different emotional responses?

This experience led me to a realization: the language we use to tell our stories can fundamentally alter how we process emotions, especially in moments of distress or hardship. And, as I later discovered, psychological research supports this idea.

Why Language Matters in Emotional Processing

Studies suggest that our mother tongue is deeply tied to our emotions, shaping how we encode and retrieve memories. According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology (Morawetz et al., 2023), when people recall emotional memories in a second language, their emotional response tends to be less intense. This phenomenon is thought to occur because a second language provides a form of psychological distance, making distressing memories feel less raw. Essentially, speaking in a second language may create a buffer, allowing individuals to recount painful experiences with more emotional control.

Another study (Caldwell-Harris & Ayçiçeği-Dinn, 2014) found that bilingual individuals often experience a greater emotional impact when speaking their native language, especially when discussing personal or significant emotional events. The research suggests that this heightened emotional response is because our first language is more deeply embedded in early emotional experiences and personal identity.

My Experience: Two Languages, Two Perspectives

Looking back, I now understand why my emotions felt contained when I spoke in English. My second language gave me enough emotional detachment to process what happened in a more rational, almost analytical way. It allowed me to talk about the event without feeling consumed by it, which initially made me feel as though I was healing.

However, when I spoke in Turkish, something different happened. My words weren’t just a retelling—they were a re-experiencing. It was as if my native language activated emotions buried deep within me, ones I hadn’t even realized were there. In that moment, I wasn’t just explaining what had happened—I was feeling it, fully and unapologetically.

This dual experience taught me an important lesson: to fully process an emotionally charged event, I needed both languages. My second language provided the structure to analyze and reflect, while my mother tongue allowed me to access the raw, unfiltered emotions I needed to confront.

What This Means for Healing and Therapy

For bilingual individuals, the choice of language in therapy or personal reflection can be crucial. If you’re struggling to connect with your emotions, switching to your native language might unlock deeper emotional awareness. Conversely, if emotions feel too overwhelming, speaking in a second language may provide a sense of control and perspective.

This aligns with research suggesting that bilingual therapy—where clients are encouraged to switch between languages—can be highly effective. By navigating between emotional depth and rational clarity, individuals can achieve a more holistic healing process.

Language is more than just a tool for communication—it shapes how we experience and process life’s most profound moments. My recent experience made me realize that both of my languages serve a unique purpose in my healing journey. If you’re bilingual, I encourage you to reflect on how language affects your emotions. Perhaps, like me, you’ll discover that true emotional processing comes not from choosing one language over the other, but from allowing both to coexist in your journey toward understanding and healing.

Cansu

References
Morawetz, C., Broers, N., Kohn, N., & Derntl, B. (2023). Processing emotional autobiographical memories in a foreign language: The role of self-distancing. Frontiers in Psychology. 
Caldwell-Harris, C. L., & Ayçiçeği-Dinn, A. (2014). Emotion and lying in a non-native language. Frontiers in Psychology.